I often catch myself trying to remember what was before all of this pain and loss, I look at strangers and I wonder if they can tell that I am without a huge part of my heart? And then I quickly realize that regardless of what these past few years have brought the world keeps turning..
My daughter Chloe isn’t here, when I go to call my parents there is no one to call.. they have all passed away.
Even as I read what I am writing it still takes my breath away, to the point that I feel as if I cannot continue but here is the truth, I keep going, not because I am strong or weak, not because I am good or bad but because its an obligation to the love that remains. It is the love that remains that is my driving force, it is the love that remains that helps me to crawl out of bed some days and other days it helps me out of bed to go out and make some type of difference.
I struggle with that obligation to create or continue or pick up the pieces of what remains of the life I once knew. I have two sets of people in my life, the ones who knew me before and now the ones who know me after. I get all types of advice and sincere sadness and a sympathy that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up- I want to yell- do not feel sympathy for my loss.. I am the luckiest… I keep going..
I keep going with the faith and the knowing that the love remains and just because my keep going doesn’t look like their keep going.. it still counts. My keep going is crucial to the love that remains.. its all circular and fantastically poetic.
The crucial of keep going is a simplicity that I recommend to all those who have lost what is not replaceable for the one and only fact is that the love you grieve is the love that will help you get through those milestones, holidays, birthdays, the would haves, the could haves, should haves and the always. Keep going isn’t a phrase I put on social media, it is my life line- some days I keep going at one step all day and other days I go with a full force press and I give everything I got but regardless of the definition I keep going. I wont ever tell you what to do but I do encourage you to keep going when you can. Much Love & grace always.
P.S. I have a free course for you, click here on AfterChloe and sign up