To grieve will feel as if you cannot make it through. You will feel so alone in a room full of others, you will feel as if a shower is unnecessary and eating isn’t for you. There’s constant chaos in your body, in your heart. You feel as if it’s been forever and just last night all in one thought.
Here’s the reality and the necessity…
You can find peace in grief… stay with me. For you that don’t know me or hear or see my content, I lost my dad in June 2010, my baby daughter Chloe in February of 2011 and my mom in October of 2012. I died. I did, I no longer knew peace or joy or life. I was just waiting.
What are you waiting for?
I was asked this question on a daily basis, by all those who wanted me to be ok. But truthfully, I didn’t know that I could ever have an answer for this question.
I wasn’t waiting, I was trying to survive and I was afraid of the pain, I think I thought if I was still, I didn’t have to come to terms with the losses. I didn’t have to face the unimaginable pain of living life without my parents and my child. The realization is that one day you aren’t going to wake up and this was all a dream – instead, it’s that you have to recognize that this is the reality of where you are in your life.. so no, you aren’t waiting for anything but instead meet yourself where you are.
And this is still the truth that you are just waiting for life to be what it was and in turn, we believe we aren’t waiting but instead, we don’t know how to proceed.. this is where the peace comes from the grief.
Grief and Peace
What an oppositional statement. I can only imagine that you are thinking in your mind, what peace- how? When? Where? How can I have peace when I have lost my loved one?….allow me to explain:
You have to begin where you are. This means when you allow the grief and recognize that grief is meant to assist you to create a life after loss. Every glass of water, every shower, when you share a memory of the love that still resides with you… that is a truth that you-you yourself can take the leap to allow the grief as it comes!!!!
So where does the peace come from?
Within you. Start by 1 minute a day to practice doing something for yourself that promotes living. If that means watching a comedian to help you laugh, or drinking a glass of water because you are dehydrated. Or if that means allowing yourself a pedicure or a manicure or a cup of tea. We are taught that we don’t deserve living. We don’t deserve to be happy!! Why?? Because we have lost a loved one? Because we have lost ourselves? Actually, we have! And the peace comes from knowing that you haven’t asked for this, this wasn’t supposed to happen…
But now you have to look within to make peace with yourself. Don’t start with the loss but instead, your reaction to the loss, allow it to be felt. This will bring you peace. That’s the use of grieving- to allow the grief and the peace. Allow them both to come! Allow yourself to feel. This means that if you don’t avoid grieving, you don’t try to forget or busy yourself into thinking it hasn’t happened. Instead of you allow the grief the peace will come quickly.
I would love to support you, I am giving 30-minute Zoom sessions for the month of February, you get to keep the recording and you can click here to schedule for the month of February.
Also, come get support by joining After Chloe’s Private Facebook Group by clicking here