February is a new month, and let’s talk about February 2nd- it’s a new month, and yet there is the same amount of grief, there is the same amount of feelings and emotions. What do you do with all of it?
Let’s begin with being gentle with ourselves. And defining that means something different for each of us. And next, let’s decide to take a moment by moment once you make that agreement with yourself. What if you stop expecting what your grief is supposed to feel and look like, and instead, you allow your process as it comes, and you choose to take it on as you are able. Allow me to explain.
We are taught that grief is a process, and most methods have a beginning and an ending, but grief doesn’t. Grieving will always happen after a loss. And once the loss occurs, it’s with you. And it’s those same feelings of grief that will make you think that you are stuck and make you believe you are stuck, that you are wrong. But you aren’t. You are, in fact, right where you should be. And that is to feel what you feel. It is that simple and that complicated. What is involved is to stop taking on the expectation that feeling will lead to a cure or a solution to the grief that you feel, versus allowing yourself to live with the grieving and the loss. And the simplicity is when you lean into the love that remains. When you are gentle with yourself when you seek kindness for yourself, versus believing you should be doing this or that versus being what is and choosing to feel precisely what you feel, as you do in this very moment. Allow it and select it as you are. And if this seems like words jumbled, keep reading.
We tend to think grief and loss should look some type of way when in reality, the only way it needs to look is the way it needs is to soothe your heart and your feelings.
Allow it. Start where you are. Do not compare your beginning or your middle or your restart or your reset. Decide you are going to begin today and witness your feelings just where you are. Do not think you need to be where anyone else is. Do not believe you have to get someone else’s validation or permission- just start where you are, lovely one.
While you witness your grief, document what makes you feel as if you can move and what makes you standstill, and is the stillness terrible, or does it bring you peace. Recently I came to know peace, I couldn’t be at peace for many years before my loss, much less after my loss, and I began to understand that peace is a choice not based on what happens to me but how I choose to react to what happens. And that does not mean I don’t grieve; that means I am trying to start exactly where I am. That means I choose to begin each day by choosing only peace. Choose peace today in every moment and allow your feelings. Witness the difference. Witness your reactions.
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All my love and grace,