Can you stay motivated through loss?
It’s Monday Midday as I start this blog and I have zero motivation, and it made me think of a conversation I had last week all about what motivates and devastation. And here is what I think about motivation and grieving and our current state.
We are in the middle of a pandemic, with no end date, and we continue to experience grief and loss of what we once knew. And after the shock of WTF happened? How do we proceed? How does someone get motivated? And what does being motivated in the middle of a Pandemic look like? So many questions. Here is my take on this.
Motivation and productivity are two different things.After Chloe
And the reality is we as individuals have to get in touch with ourselves. We have to figure out what motivates us and what our perspective is facing the day. Do we need to move past this? Do we need to move forward or be still? Only you can gain the perspective to get into the mindset of feeling motivated—the easy things and challenging things. Grief and loss usually tend to squash any motivation to move forward or have the ability to be productive. After months of being in the midst of a stay-at-home order, stadiums, and stadiums of someone’s loved ones- possibly your loved one being lost to a virus that came like a tsunami, and we don’t know when the storm is going to end. I am not a fan of rain or a hurricane, much less a tsunami. So motivation is defined by your mindset, and your perspective must be at some point be bruised and battered by the current state of our society.
How do you even know what your motivation is?
Look inward, and see if you need support? If you do (I have an online support group click here to join me)
And what does that support look like? Is the support helping you gain perspective of what you need to move forward in your day? And are you just wanting everything to go back to the way it was? Do you need to grieve the losses you have faced before, during, or after 2020? And here is the truth, motivation and grieving are yours- no one can feel or do this for you. You are worth feeling through all of this for. Your life is worth living. And you are right – all of this is impossible and hard, and no one has a how-to book to guide them. Instead, start exactly where you are; choose to take each moment at a time.
Gaining motivation for the moment is where you start. You cannot change anyone else. You cannot change the pandemic’s current state- but you can start where you are with your mindset and feel through it. Don’t define it; witness it.
Witness what you need at this moment.
Witness what you don’t need.
Witness what you want at this moment.
Keep trying as you are able. The reality of grief is that we know we cannot have who was, and we won’t ever be the same. How do you find motivation after that? It changes- you continually have to keep up with your mindset and reinvent your perspective.
There are many resources available to help soothe the anxieties and the pain of your grief and your loss, but no matter what, you’ll hurt, and you will grieve, but you will find your resilience to live after all that you have lost. And it is yours.
Before losing my parents and my daughter Chloe, I struggle with perspective and motivation; after losing them, I found my perspective and motivation in understanding that today is what I have. That’s it. And I can plan and prepare, but today is what I have to help others grieve their way to find their ability to live after loss, for those suffering find their resilience. There is an enormous motivation in that. I share this to encourage you; what makes you motivated? What are you passionate about? What do you need today? What do you want to feel? And if you are motivated, it does not infringe on your grieving. And if you need to change your perspective or are vocal about your perspective, this is not being disloyal to your loss and grief. Know that, believe that, and honor that.
As I close this blog, I hope I have left you to ask yourself what your motivation is for today. I hope you know that you are worth finding your life after loss. You are worth it.
Choose yourself today, share your loss, or don’t. Feel what you feel, whatever that is.
I hope you know that I am with you. No matter what.
All my love and grace,