Often on social media – I will see so many different posts, discussing “how to grieve “ or “how to get over the loss”. These titles make me not only laugh but also indurate me at the same time. This is someone’s view and version of what they believe grief is. Honestly as a grief specialist – I live, eat, breathe and speak grief every single day. The frustration of all of this is as follows:
No right or No wrong:
There is no right or no wrong in grief- Period. If I was in person speaking- I would’ve dropped the mic and walked off stage. But really- no one, absolutely no one, can tell you how to grieve – how to process your grief. End of story. But you’ve got the weight to decide how to process your grief- what’s right for you. Once you decide this – it will help you, it will guide you and it’ll be yours- your decision- your process.
Here is what grief isn’t:
Grief isn’t anything you don’t want it to be- other than necessary. I can’t tell you how to grieve – but I can tell you there is an absolute necessity to grief- without a doubt. It’s absolutely necessary in order for you to find a life worth living. There is no avoiding or pretending- the loss has happened, learning this – you must decide to grieve. You must decide to get your journey in order. I am going to describe the ultimate road trip- and ask you – do you make sure you have gas? Your tires have air? The vehicle has enough fluids and is in drivable condition? Snacks? Water? You are wearing comfortable clothing? Yup- this is also questions to ask yourself as you head out on your grief journey.
Are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating? Drinking water? Are you getting dressed? Are you mentally ready to face the loss that has already happened? 95% of the time the answer is no- that other 5% is you just wanting to wait …thinking there is that small… small chance that maybe it can take back the loss that has happened. This isn’t true. That has not happened nor can it happen. Grief isn’t undoable, grief isn’t avoidable. Grief isn’t able to be done without you and grief isn’t going away. That is what grief isn’t.
Here’s the reality of this blog post and my honest process of what I believe Grief to be…
It’s to help you process the loss. It’s needed to help you to find a life worth living. No one can do it except you. Create your own pace. Allow yourself huge amounts of grace. And know this journey may seem impossible but it’s up to you. It’s yours, no one else’s! I’m here to support you any way I can!
How do I begin?
Gently… moment by moment. You have to create your own process. Anyone who makes you think they can grieve for you or give you words to help you is wrong. It’s only up to you and many times, just like a flesh wound, it hurts to touch-to feel and we will put a band-aid over it. But it will eventually need air and love to heal- but there will always be that scar. Focus on the love that remains, that many times can help you!
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