You may be thinking – what do you mean there are choices in grief? There is no choice….. There is no choice of losing what you cannot replace.. absolutely.
But in my core beliefs about loss and grief, grief is the reaction to loss. Grief is the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual reaction when you’ve lost what’s not replaceable.
You can’t control the loss – there’s not a choice but there are choices of grieving. Stay with me…
When we face loss, our minds recognize this and not only is there a reaction in our minds but our bodies also react to the chemical reaction that we have when we are faced with grief. (Check out my blog about anxiety by clicking here). These reactions can create anxiety, insomnia, loss or increase in appetite and many other symptoms. Huge disclaimer I am not a medical doctor or trying to diagnose you but I am mentioning the possible physical symptoms that are caused by grief.
So you may think – what choice do I have in that? You have the choice to be gentle with yourself. You have the choice to drink more water, become very self-aware of what’s irregular. For instance, if you’ve always slept a full 8 hours and now you can’t sleep at all, you have to monitor this and seek appropriate help when needed- that’s the choice you can make.
Emotions and Feelings
Now stay with me on this, I know you don’t want anyone telling you how to choose to feel when you’ve experienced unimaginable loss… period.
And that’s not what this post is about. Reality is I want to encourage you to take the time to become very self-aware of what you are feeling – the choice is to recognize the feelings and the emotions of grief. When you begin at the place of knowing that it’s ok to feel what you feel and give yourself permission to cry when you want to cry or if you want to yell, yell. Again you choose your emotions and feelings! You choose. Once you recognize that this – your emotions and feelings are your choice, you can begin again.
Your Mental State of Mind
I think it’s safe to write one of the many commonalities of grief is that we all are not thinking straight when grief initially happens. There is this type of brain fog that occurs. And this can last…and last. So again you may want to ask me – what is it that is within my choice that I have this mental state? and I will respond- I suggest to get back choice, create an anchor thought. Create a thought that centers you, that allows you to get back to a clear mind. If you start to choose to create mental clarity- this will assist you in being able to make choices. Your mental state of mind is your foundation, you must choose!!!
Now you may be thinking- “Umm After Chloe… who are you to tell me how to choose spiritually?”
I will respond that I am not telling you to do anything or to believe any way, much less to choose anything – ESPECIALLY spiritually. You like mayo and I may state no mayo. Spirituality is a personal, very personal choice. I’m just stating make sure you choose. May sure you decide to choose what will fill you up and not knock you down. For me personally, when I chose God and still continue to choose God on a daily basis, it changes everything in the sense that I feel not so alone with my grief and loss.
I hope that you get the gist of my pain and loss. I miss my parents and daughter Chloe every second of every day but I choose to get up anyways. I didn’t choose to be knocked down but I’m not going to stay there.
I’m sending you love & grace
I would love for you to join the Private After Chloe’s Facebook Group for extra support by clicking here
I would love to invite you to first access to my Brand New Podcast – Living After Loss with After Chloe!! Click here to get on the waitlist!!!!