Oh hi there lovely one. It’s scary… the fear and grief and anxiety will take you over. You’ve lost what you cannot replace.
Often I am asked why are you so general about all of this versus being specific about loss. Well honestly it is because after losing what I cannot replace my loss isn’t the same as anyone else’s. Your loss is different even if we’ve both lost an infant or a child or a parent or a spouse, it’s not mine, it’s not the same, it is all different. With that I hope that you recognize I can never generalize loss but instead I am highlighting the uniqueness of every situation. The commonality is that we have lost what isn’t replaceable…what happens next?
After everyone goes on
So the hardest part of grief for me to process is that the world keeps on going, I will never forget on the Monday after my mom died, everyone went on. Everyone kept living after I had suffered an unimaginable loss. And yes, as I have mentioned several times, I had an amazing support of Friends and family – yet it was impossible to breathe much less function as if life is supposed to keep on going. Here is another revelation that I made and that is – it is all up to me. It is my choice how to proceed or not to proceed.
The climate of your grief will change
Yes, although our grief is not the same, I will advise you – what will happen is on some days the grief is bearable and other days it’s not. It’s that simple and that hard. What I have learned to do is to weather the impossible and embrace the bearable. This is what is going to happen, you have to learn yourself and recognize that the climate of your grief will dictate you for a while and then you will hopefully come to an understanding where you will dictate your grief. And many will say time heals.. etc.. blah, blah, blah.. that isn’t true.
The loss of you
I have written a few other blog posts on the loss of yourself, but instead, I will let you know that the loss of you is what will break you. I searched and searched and searched for the me that had a beautiful baby, that had both my parents but she doesn’t exist. She’s not there. Instead, here I am and after seven years after Chloe passed away I am still finding me. So what will happen next is for you to get grizzly .. get honest .. find out what you like, find out what you love and what makes you get up in the morning and that may only be the responsibilities that mandate you but at least someone/something requires you to show up. The goal is to get up for yourself but that’s another blog post.
Only you know what to do
I could write a book on what’s going to happen next but the reality is that I can only suggest but you my Lovely One, have to get past the fear and the expectations and find you and fund your way. Now there’s no time requirement except to encourage you to not waste life. This life you have is a gift!! Use it, enjoy it.
This is a brief summary of what happens next…
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Love and Grace,