“The After”featured

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If you are reading this…. thank you so much for coming to my website, and my blog. I appreciate that you are taking the time to visit Next, I am so sorry that you are grieving a loss… I am assuming since you are here on my site. I am going to share a bit about myself to explain what I do and why I do it.

Chloe Carolyn Garcia is the name of my daughter, she died in 2011 and it changed my life forever. Prior to Chloe passing away.. my father passed away in 2010. When he passed away, my mother was left behind ( those were her feelings) – they had been married over 40 years. She became very ill with heart problems and also passed away in 2012. I have always had issues with abandonment, with loss and even saying goodbye. I struggle to keep healthy relationships- so imagine loosing my only child and my parents- I lost my mind and my heart. I was hysterical and irrational. I did understand that I could not continue to have as much pain as I did and I knew I had to get it out. I knew I needed to go see someone to help me. Well, after 14 ( yes 14) therapists, I realized that not all therapists specialize in grief and loss… so I decided to go back to school to become a grief therapist. In the meantime – I read every single book, blog and article I could find on grief.. I believed I could crack this code on pain and feeling so distraught.. The good news- I really worked through the process of grief. The bad news- grief became a part of me and no matter what I do the grief will remain. Also just to keep you up to speed- Chloe’s dad who was my husband- needed a partner- a wife and well I was completely checked out- so my marriage also fell apart and I was left to deal with the financial strain, a failed marriage and my heart was shattered on the floor. I use to beg God to please take me … I am not trying to let you know the ending – but obviously he didn’t take me… I am here.

So in 2013, I would medicate, over eat, cry and repeat… I knew my life had fallen apart and I also knew that I wasn’t living- I stopped grooming myself, I stopped shopping ( except for candy and fast food), I stopped cleaning my home and I was just waiting for … well honestly… for Chloe and my parents to come home… One day in mid 2013 one of my best and dearest friends- I will refer to her as Tootsie ( which is my nickname for her)- said to me, do you think this is living your life and giving it your best? And it hit me- I died too… what am I doing, now it still took me some time and all the while I stayed in school- it was my anchor, but I started to take action- small actions some days and huge actions other days. I joined a support group, and I continued to journal my journey. I would reread my journal and I saw it… I had written before Chloe and After Chloe…. I got it … I got to be Chloe’s mother… everything before her arrival … it did not matter all that mattered was that she is in my heart now… I kept reading and then I saw it again… before mom and dad  and After mom and dad. I am now crying and I know I have to share my story, I have to share my journey… so lets fast forward to the beginning of 2014 – I am graduating school… I am studying to become a therapist… I want to help people through loss.. its not limited to death, it is not limited to divorce, it is not limited to any struggle… it is all loss… it is all the struggles… I know I can help someone process the grief…. the After is the living.. while honoring the love.. the After is the amazing fact that I am Chloe’s mom, that I am my parents’ daughter, that I am Chloe’s dad’s wife, that I am a woman who has gone through addiction, 3 divorces and loss of my home, finances and belongings. I am in my after because I choose to live… I choose to be in my After.

If you follow me on social media, you know that I speak very openly that I still face grief, daily.. yes daily.. I will never stop missing Chloe and my parents. I will never stop missing my friend and extended family that I have lost. I will never stop missing my dogs Jack and Shadow, I will never stop missing the home I lost. But I know that I can continue a life worth living. It is only now, in the After that I can appreciate this process… Please don’t get it twisted- I fight to breathe many days.. I want it to be different but I am in acceptance… I do not think my loss is more or less than yours.. we are all trying to process the loss,,, just on different levels or processing…

So, the After is a state of mind, the After is hard work and it is wanting it. I can help with that After, I can give you tools, resources, and all that you need to get to your after. Stick around… lets get you to your after

I send you grace and healing…

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