From the time I can remember I was always with my mom, so much in fact that when I started kindergarten I locked myself in my mom’s station wagon because I couldn’t handle having to go to school and being away from my mom. As I went through grade school and into high school my biggest fear was being lonely. That fear followed me into adulthood and I spent many days, months and years wallowing in loneliness. I had no idea what was to come …
When my daughter Chloe passed away, I had already become my mother’s 24 hour a day caretaker. It was difficult but I never felt lonely- instead, I found my pseudo worth and when she died, I was lost and my worst fear had come true I was all alone.
And I had to look at what “alone” meant for me!
Here’s the deal- grief and loss will put all of your “stuff” to light and it is under a microscope that you can see how you love or don’t love yourself. We assume it is the grief, but that isn’t necessarily the truth. Did you practice self-love prior to your loss? Or was it even a question that came up for you?
Here is an honesty moment:
No one, thing, place, or title can fill our inner voids. When we are honest with ourselves, it’s a necessity to learn to find peace and calm with ourselves to be alone -in the company of our own self. The grief will make you believe it’s the loss and yes that is the large part of your pain but be sure that you look in the mirror and find yourself!
How do you do that?
Well, let’s give you some suggestions, to assist you in finding the peace to be with yourself and be ok with not being in another person’s company.
In order to adhere to your current situation and well actually face any situation that you are faced with, the first thing is to ask yourself some questions and be comfortable with the answers.
The difference of grieving someone and feeling the void of someone:
It is normal to grieve and that void of missing your loved one is always going to be there. It can escalate/increase when it’s a milestone or a holiday – you will always miss your loved one. Also, there is a void but (yup there is a but) when you have self-love and worth, you can fill this void. How? –you may be asking…
You’ve got to get to know yourself and to fill yourself up. As cliche as this sounds – it’s a necessity throughout your grieving process. Try these 3 steps or at least one of them:
Try these 3 steps or at least one of them:
1). Start to document/journal your feelings of loneliness- ask yourself why you feel lonely and monitor what those triggers are.
2). Find out what makes you feel happy and fulfilled! Yes, if that’s a hobby or getting a pet or a plant- find what gives you fulfillment – not with another person (unless it’s volunteering your time) but instead within yourself.
3). Take it as it comes – there is no right or wrong to finding yourself! You have to take this time in your grief journey to get to know yourself and find that self-love, that self-worth. Try it !!
This will assist you on your journey in finding self-love and worth. And just like grief -self-love is a journey but it is a mandatory one.
I would love to know where you are at with both your grief and self-love journey – connect with me by clicking here
Also come join my Facebook Group, it’s a place to find support and to help you through your journey of grief – come try it out!!!
Sending you love & grace,