Life. Wow, it is so difficult and yet exhilarating and scary because life keeps on changing!! My biggest change I’ve ever faced is dealing with life after loss!
That, in fact, is the hardest change that for some reason I continue to face on a daily basis. I remember the change that is also known as loss. Loss of my beautiful baby Chloe and my parents. Change happens every time I remember them but then life has thrown me some serious curve balls in 2017. So to be honest, I’ve been knocked down and I struggle to just make sense of all of it. More change happened and actually continues to happen …
So I wanted to talk about change and loss…
The fear of change after loss
For me personally, I so wanted to hold on to anything that made me feel as if they aren’t gone. It made me feel as if I needed to just hold on, to hold on to my baby Chloe. Adele’s song “Someone Like You” had just come out when Chloe died and I wanted that song played everywhere at every moment because somehow that would mean she hadn’t died. I didn’t want to change to know that she was gone. I didn’t want to face that change is inevitable. Just like Chloe’s death, change is final. And truthfully that was scary and painful.
The guilt of change
My mom dying, I wanted to hold on to all of her things. I didn’t want anything to change and it did. I felt so guilty because I wanted this museum that proved I was waiting for them to return and as illogical as that sounds, that was my truth. That was my true desire to hold on and not to let go!!! There was a guilt of the changes that naturally happened. There was a guilt in living without them after losing them.
How to face the guilt
We face survivor’s guilt, we face the fear of not knowing what or how to proceed, we face the realization that we are alive without our loved ones and why us and not them. This guilt is topped by all the natural changes that happen. We must recognize that it’s a process that we face and we must make peace with being the survivor and in turn become a thriver.
Memories don’t change
We have to recognize that memories don’t change. Yup, that’s right. We all face the challenges of change but pictures, videos and moments of love that will and cannot be changed. Memorialize those memories, honor and love those memories and continue…absolutely continue to make new memories!!!
You are right, change after loss may seem impossible but you cannot avoid this! Instead, take the time to start, take the time to realize you can. You can do this because you deserve to live an extraordinary life!!
This week I’ll be discussing all about beginning the new year with loss! I would love for you to join After Chloe’s Private Facebook Group for added support!
I would love for you to join me for a free 30-minute phone call! Click here to join me!
Love and grace,